1/2 Amercan 1/2 You're a Peein'

4:06 AM Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
Adventures in cloth diapers! Sounds like a name of a good movie for sure! Julie's niece Christine gave me the opportunity to go cloth on my bodily-function experiences. It's not that the parents wouldn't go with it - it's just that she sold them on the notion as well as was too kind in letting me borrow her newborn ones. Considering my small (yet oh so future model) stature - I look like a tiny Sumo-wrestler in the giant underpants. By the time the cloth goes into the protective Velcro-holster, I'm ready to enter the ring and take on any kitten!

We did many a thing since I last spoke. Went shopping, ate, you're a peein', ate some more, went to Finley Market and bought some kookumbers & 'maters. The paparrazzi (or was that papazoli - not sure) didn't have his camera with him that day so here's another shopping experience at some big-box retailer - Target probably. Look at that guy next to me just staring at the sky with some weird expression on his face. Hey! I'm trying to sleep here - no funny facial-expressions while I'm sleeping! He's not even wearing a shirt - isn't he freezing in here? The AC must be like set to negative Siberia or something - yeesh! I have my peeps bring a blanket wherever we go - I have them trained well. Going from lizard-conditions outside to meat-locker requires drastic measures.

OK, what else happened... Oh yeah - slept a lot. Well, you're all thinking why I'm even bothering to write down the fact that I slept - I mean - what kind of boring writing is THAT!? You're reading, though, right? My sleep MUST be entertaining for you to still be reading. Can you hear me now? Good!

Mom keeps me company while I nap - she's a good napper - I taught her well. Though as you can tell by the photo - the papazoli with his camera just can't stop so of course I block him from view. As to mom and her oh so lovely jewelry fashion sense - well, that's to be admired. She dresses up for me for when we sleep. That little gem you see on her finger is a 7.5 carrot (organic of course) Tiffany-inspired Cumi-ring. "Cumi" is pacifyer in Hungary-talk - weird language - will have to tell you more about that later. Something about an addiction to letters in the alphabet or something. And what does Hungary have to do with You're a Peein'? I have no idea - again, must be some weird cultural thing - I'll find out eventually.

Anyway - sleep is not the only thing I did - also went out. And I don't mean like just outside - I do that 'a plenty! I mean I party. Sure, there's a company picnic but that's just playing politics - I mean go out to happy-hour and such. That's right - you heard me - I hang with the crowd on a Friday as I please. This time it was in Hyde Park at some coffee place - sipping down a latte (decaf-no froth-extra rich-natural... I'm very particular!). I was hangin' with my peeps as well as with Karen and Kyle, who was kind enough to let me know how to make a European (I'm sure he meant You're a Peein') trip memorable. Something about lots of drinking (hence the excessive pee) - surely it was milk - I'm a little fuzzy on that - I think he was too...

No camera shots of me there - good thing too - any more and you'll think of me as Paris Hilton! I don't even resemble that remark! I would never carry around my kitten as an accessory! They would just climb right out of my diaper bag! I'm a dignified and dare I say it graceful lady who only spits up when deemed required and usually only on my parent's clothes I do not prefer. What's wrong with that? They can't go out in public looking like that? Somebody has to tell them!

So I leave you with an image of me thinking of my next great adventure. I do that a lot - think even in my sleep of the many great things that I do DO and will do. I'm very sophisticated like that. Kinda' a big deal, you know. Hope these parents of mine can keep up...

CBT - As easy as 123

8:42 AM Edit This 2 Comments »

HEYO!

It's Sydney again - and I'm here to tell you that life is good. I don't mean it in the superficial way of cold-cash-oozing-from-pores-while-tanning-on-a-45-foot-yacht-off-the-coast-of-Bali - good, I mean it's good in the HEYO!-look-at-me-I'm-so-cute!-good...
Ok, that sounds a little ego-elevated... take it as you will... heyo.
Mom & dad this week are on a schedule-crunch as suitors of Sydney-watchers are rounded up while Julie is on dog-bite-break. Oh, I didn't tell you? Yeah, Julie, my caretaker got bit by her dog and needs to mend her wounds before she could play with me. In the meantime it's been a combo of mom/dad/aunt/Bellla-mom (Bella is a dog, licker - not a biter)/and kittens... though the kittens are kinda' worthless as they don't take me out for walks and such - they shed and complain... They're ok - but they mostly entertain than anything else - they really need to learn how to change my diaper! You expect ME to do it? I'm too cutie-licious for you babe! ;)
ANYWAY - onto more info - it's been a while so I have to catch up. I've been playing in the swing laughing at the flying monkey, playing on the mat laughing at the bird, and just plain laughing at everything - it's just too funny out here in the real world!

Speaking of funny - Sirius wants to get in on the action and be carried around too so I let dad give him a spin in the Bjorn - he dug it. Problem is that now he thinks he can go walking with us and such. Sorry dude - no comprende loco gato! That's all the Spanish I know until I start watching Dora in a few years. Mom/Dad are pretty strict with that wall-picture thing they call TV. It's bright lights and flashes - could give me seizures - probably a good thing I'm off the stuff - need to learn how to work the DVR anyway - commercials suck - I'm typing in fragments - can't stop - need to potty.

Phew! Weird event there, sorry.


Not much else is going on except the usual burping and the butt-burping. I get Mylicon squeezed into my mouth for the butt-burping - the box says it tastes like cherry, but I know from personal experience that it tastes like dish-water - not that I know what dish water tastes like, I'm just saying - well - you know what I mean.

Ok, I'll leave you with a lasting image of me at Habanero eating a stupendous platter of fried chips with salsa - YUMMO! Though now I know what they mean when they say "It'll hurt twice." Ooof!
Oh, and if you're wondering about the title, you'll have to ask mom/dad as they keep calling me that and I have NO idea what they're talking about!
Sydney - out












Encore!

6:15 PM Edit This 1 Comment »
Encore! Encore!

The people have spoken and after a little hiatus, I’m back! Sorry for the delay, but I’ve been very busy with my full schedule of eating, sleeping, pooping and peeing. While I was away, I was also busy getting my acting resume together.! Too young for showbiz, you say? You can’t keep a good Thespian down!

The Headshot






Nice, eh? World-renowned photographer, Zoltan Lebowitz, did a photo shoot with me last weekend. He was going for the “just woke up from a nap” look. You like?

Resume
Name: Sydney von Diesel
Age: 6 weeks
Height: 2”
Weight: a lady doesn’t tell! Ok, I’m not quite a lady yet (propensity for burping, farting and spitting up in public), so 9 pounds-ish. A svelte 9 pounds-ish ;)
Experience:
Drama: Poop Fiction, Hungarian-American Beauty, Paws
Action: Raiders of the Lost Fart, The Born Ultimatum
Comedy: You Don't Mess with the Zoltan, Blazing Swaddles, Met My Parents, Hungarian Pie, There’s Something About Sydney
Dinner Theater: It’s an autobiographical work in progress




My next film starts shooting in September, 12 Angry Airline Passengers.

Stay tuned for more updates…or just tune into Entertainment Tonight and the National Enquirer. Oh no, here come the paparrazzi now!!


Duckie Butts

4:17 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
Had a picnic today - being Memorial Day and all... I decided to chill in the basket basking in the glorious partial sun in Eden Park. Plenty of people and ducks to keep me entertained but I didn't care - I was the best of show in my own basket... Being that I'm a regular expert since day zero in this whole sun-bathing thing - I mixed it up a bit with the picnic basket - you know - just to keep it fresh - yo'!

Had glorious carbonized chicken - mmmm - yummo! With salad and chips and some coke - everything what a growing baby like me needs... Did I mention there was glorious carbon? mmm - carbon. I'll offset it later in my diaper - I am fully on board with carbon offsetting - I'm eco-baby afterall!

THERE WERE DUCKIE BUTTS!!!
I thought it was funny - I had a duckie butt on one of my onesies the other day and I saw the duckie butt and there you have it - funny. Ok ok, I guess you had to be there...


Three Two One - Blastoff!
But all good things have to come to an end and the two hours we spent under a tree, in a basket, walking around the pond, came to a crescendo in exactly 3 seconds, where I went from the Happiest Baby on the Block (tm) to one to be reckoned with! Head homebound drivers - baby wants dessert!


I'm NOT a groupie!

10:00 AM Edit This 0 Comments »
Ok, maybe I am a little... but can you blame me? I mean look at all this healthy stuff! This is like one of the few places where the Organics co-mingle with the standard-issue, fillet-mignon with the pizza, and TWO BUCK CHUCK (ok, 3 bucks due to shipping) with the fancy stuff (but I can't quite decipher the differences just quite yet - working on it). AND, you get to pack it all in in your handy dandy ever-so trendy Trader Joe's labeled grocery bag - now THAT'S cool!

I don't get to ride in the shopping cart alone yet as I can't keep my head up straight (no, I didn't have too much 2-buck!) so I still get the charriot-treatment with fuzzy blanket and all.
Mom, who decided to impersonate the Unibomber for some reason, was trying to decypher whether I asked for JoJo's cookies or Soy chips with the extra hot spices. I asked for neither this time - I really wanted to go potty but I humored her and smiled nonetheless.
So there we were - from the free coffee and food sampling kiosk all the way down to the BRAND NEW THREE BUCK flavor - Zinfandel - HEYO!!!! It's a mild and sweet rose according to dad - he says it complements the Pesto Tortellini very well (but we all know he'll drink that sugar-slop even with Ramen soup - who's he kidding!?).
So here was my first day at Trader Joe's - It was awesome! Bring your grocery bags with you (or buy some trendy ones here) and your smiles, and have an organic-fest of a good time! No, I'm not on the T.J. payroll - though I SHOULD at least get a box of JoJo's out of all this PR they're getting!

Mothers are the Gardners

9:55 AM Edit This 1 Comment »

Mothers are the gardeners
Of wind-blown wild flowers.
They water them with happy tears,
Happy with them many years,
Even as the hours
Ring with sweet, sad melodies
Sighing through their bowers
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

It's the little things

6:53 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
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Sydney's first walk around the block...

went without a hitch. She met the neighbors, smelled the flowers, pet the dogs, chased a butterfly, ate some sausage (with spicy brown mustard of course), and rode a roller coaster - twice! She did ALL this because she was dreaming it. It was a nice 67 degrees yet she was bundled up as if pulled by a pack of Alaskan Malamutes in a tobbogan through the wintry Adirondaks. MUSH you sorry excuse of parents - MUSH!

Before this great expedition though, much drama was in the household...

DON'T GO!!!!
"YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE WITH THAT THAT DIVO!

This is the WORST day in my life! You're going out for a walk in MY stroller! You're taking THAT THAT baby, aren't you!? I can't believe you'd abandon me like this... I mean, REALLY! Don't you people have any dignity? We were here first! Scratch that - I was here first!


Your other feline is just a good for nothing party animal teenager who is obviously taking advantage of this house. HE'S the one that needs to be punished!
I mean just look at him! Again, a night of binge drinking and maybe even a dip into the nip if you know what I mean (I'm not insinuating anything but I think I saw him with the neighbor's kids exchanging something...) and then there he is in a hangover of a stooper with his belly flopping over the edge of the piano he can't even play! The disgrace!
Punish him - I'm cute and love feets - he's just using you for the belly rubs!"
So yes, we did little things but with OH so much drama!
...and so it continues - be sure to look for us on the Maury Povich Show for the next installment of Feline Neglect and You!

Meow

10:00 PM Edit This 2 Comments »
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May 5, 2008 - What's New Pussycat?

"If there was a way to say in meow-talk that this new creature is a serious crimp in our style - then this is it. THIS IS WHERE WE PUT DOWN OUR PAWS!"

"We will not stand it any more! This is our house, our place, and you two are OUR servants! None of this baby this and baby that - PICK ME, LOVE ME, RUB MY BELLY!! - yes, we watch Grey's Anatomy too..."

"We see you changing diapers, over and over and over again, call her poop-factory, monkey-face, little dictator even! THOSE ARE OUR NAMES!!! WE CREATE POOP! WE HAVE FACES OF MONKEYS and WE ARE THE ULTIMATE DICTATORS! Saddam Hussein? - NOTHING! WE'RE THE REAL THING!"
"All smiles and soft blankets - this is riddiculous! We demand a recount! It's either with us or against us! We will go on a hunger strike if we have to... scratch that - we'll threaten to go on a hunger strike if we have to - come back to your senses and choose us!"

"I, Little Nola, will kiss and rub on feets - Sirius, well, he'll act less like a tweeked-feline at 1am and be respectful of others... ok, maybe not but that doesn't matter - PAY ATTENTION TO US! Ok, that's all we have to say - next time - we bring out the prosthetic front claws and have a number on your other 3 kitchen chairs!"

Sydney's in the house!

7:00 AM Edit This 4 Comments »
Welcome to Zoltan & Sjen's blog for all things Bebe le Pew

Sydney Grace von Dienes-Oehm
born 04/28/2008 5:56pm 6lbs. 14oz.
(she was scheduled to arrive May 10 - but of course she had to be different than her parents and be something called "early"!)

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Sunday, April 27 - Prelude To a Kiss: It started off with a nice walk down to Skyline Chilli for a gut-buster / baby-inducer 3-way and cheese coney. Figuring that the last school final was already taken and the zygote was now allowed to enter this world - the trek to the gastral-churning establishment could now be made. Perhaps a mention could be made about what a gorgeous spring day it was with tulips blooming and birds a' chirping, but this was far more of a dramatic way to start an adventure!

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Monday, April 28 - Big Bang Theory: Early morning (3:50am early!) there was a big bang (0f the water sorts). Miles of smiles (under our baggy eyes) made way to a slow collection of our senses, clothes, and trace a conscious path to what to do next. "Uhmm - do we call somebody?" But first, Sjen needed to stop by her office to tidy up and scan/email her stats final to her professor...now THAT's dedication ;)


Sunny side up!

Sydney decided she didn't want to be upside down but the wrong side up - already displaying her individuality! Needless to say, she made for a 2 hour grueling pushing adventure that was assisted with techno from the running-mix on the mp3 player. The doc was surprised and very pleased of Sjen's ability to deliver this way - "very few women could deliver their first naturally in this predicament" YOU GO SJEN! Looks like the Marathon training kicked in...

So, 2 hours of pushing made for a bumpy world-entry for poor little Sydney. She not only had a cone head but got mugged along the way by the pelvic bone and had a head abrasion! Not great for photo opps unless you're in an 80's Saturday Night Live skit.

Kudos to our birthing team! We were aided by an amazing doula (professional birth coach), Eileen Ryan, who met us at our house, helped with pain relief until the pain demanded an epidural (6cm), assisted with positioning to help labor progress, kept the scalpel away when the nurse thought we might end up needing a C-section, photographed the early moments after birth, and aided with nursing. Dr. Clark of For Women was wonderful: she was with us for 75% of the 2-hr pushing phase and kept faith that Sjen could deliver the good old-fashioned way. The nurses at Good Sam were excellent. Sjen's dad and stepmom were there for the last couple hours of labor and Jackie even cut the cord! Zoli was an awesome coach, offering tons of love, encouragement, and support.

Tuesday, April 29 - Sleepless in Cincinnati: A sleepless night not because the zygote kept us awake - but because we were awake listening to the sweet murmurs of our new baby. Music to our hearts. Friends and family kept on coming and re-visiting to see and take in the new sights and sounds of all things Sydney. No "official" name yet at this point. Short list Sydney was always on top but up for options if one arose. Sjen's stepmom Jackie suggested, "I think you should name her Grace, because she's amazing." We couldn't argue with that, so that became her middle name! And we knew the time was approaching when the hospital name-nazi would require us to scribble down a name on the official baby-form.

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Wednesday, April 30 - Welcome to the Hotel California: We were hoping to go home this day but a very nice Italian doctor gave us news that Sydney's Bili-count was in the 15s - in other words, she had jaundice. Jaundice was relatively common in newborns and even more common when there was a wound to contend with.

So here she was, in a tanning bed they reeled into our room so we could be with her while she got some "sun" which reduces the Bili count. We were jealous - of course - but not suprised how her first few hours are started off with a vanity-infused salon treatment! We're in trouble! She was a trooper. Not a peep so long as we held her hand and made it known we're in the room with her. Even one of the nurses commented the next day that her not needing a pacifier is unprecidented. Of course you can't have a pacifier - that would leave a weird "tan" circle around the lips - amateurs!

Oh, one more thing about today - it's officially Sjen's discharge day! WHAT? But, what about poor Sydney? Sorry - she has to stay but in case there's no requirement for the room, you could stay. 9pm rolls around and sure enough - "Sorry, you'll have to vacate as there's a Birth'a'Palooza in Cincinnati and we need the room" They relocated us in the middle of the hospital floor in a Breast Feeding Room (5x8 closet with a combination lock door). So, with the room's 2 chairs (one fold-out), a small table, the tanning-bed, the rolling bassinet, and all our garbage, left for literally a 1 foot x 8 foot floor space for walking. We were in the hospital manger.
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Thursday, May 1 - There's No Place Like Home!: Good news - Bili count down to 10 - safe to go home! First things first - meet the rest of the family - the kittens! They didn't mind the mess in the office-to-nursery conversion; they just figured we have a weird taste in furniture and want to be in touch with our inner child. But once we brought Sydney home - they made the connection. "HEY! WHO IS THIS NEW PERSON AND WHY IS SHE AS BIG AS WE ARE? - meow"

Sirius - the passive aggressive high maintenance divo (male version of diva) who we thought would bless our furniture with his urine to receive lost attention came up to Sydney and instantly fell in love. Little Nola, who is a dog trapped in a cat's body and has a weird but cute naked-foot-fetish, was very apprehensive. Her demeanor was "I see it and I don't like it - not one bit! show me the feets and maybe I'll change my mind..."

SO, here we are - slowly adjusting to our feeding-schedule-mandated sleep-disorder of a life. Adventures await! I will post a link with a plethora of pictures soon (once they've been selected, sorted, compiled, & photo-"re-touched")

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